I am seeking feedback on my latest script. I am 15 pages into "ANIMUS", a contest entry Sci-Fi script, and covet your feedback. View a PDF file HERE.
LOGLINE: A transport ship delivering a dangerous prisoner to a penal colony is diverted to answer a distress call and the crew discover, on board a dead ship, what appears to be a young human girl. But the knowledge and powers she possesses make her, and them, a target for termination.
Registration Number: 1820725 (WGAw)
"Time After Time" is a short Sci-Fi film with a "Twilight Zone" feel to it.
LOGLINE: A grieving widower travels back in time to prevent the tragic accident that killed his precious wife, but the experiment's success spawns an equally devastating and unforeseen event.
Click to view a PDF file of a ONE PAGE PITCH for "Time After Time".
Click to view a PDF file of the ENTIRE 16-PAGE SCRIPT.
~ V E N G E A N C E ~
Registration Number: 1810088 (WGAw)
GENRE: Vengeance is a feature-length revenge thriller in the vein of Lucky Number Slevin and Fargo.
SETTING: The story is set in present day and weaves back and forth between various locals in Redding, CA and the densely wooded area surrounding nearby Whiskeytown Lake.
LOGLINE: An unscrupulous DA hires a ruthless hitman to rescue his daughter and dispatch her kidnappers, but when the daughter's captors reveal her father's villainous ways, she sides with them in their fight for survival...and justice.
SYNOPSIS: After spending the last eleven years in prison for a crime he claims to be innocent of, bitter ex-con LUTHER GRIMES is determined to avenge this miscarriage of justice by kidnapping the daughter of the man who wronged him...
...SIMON BECK, the overly ambitious PA at his trial. Luther is convinced Simon withheld evidence that could have exonerated him and is determined to prove it.
With the help of his own daughter, MOLLY, and his girlfriend, ex-prison guard DARLA EVANS, the threesome kidnap RACHEL BECK and hold her hostage. When they contact Simon, via Rachel's phone, they have two goals:
1) Make Simon feel Luther's pain (Darla was pregnant with Molly at the time of the trial and the only contact Luther has had with Molly has been a handful of prison visits).
2) Persuade Simon to come clean about the trial so that he pays for his misdeeds and Luther can finally have justice.
But Simon values his career too much to do anything that would jeopardize it. Instead of complying, he hires sadistic professional killer, HITOMI KWAN, to rescue Rachel and off her kidnappers....
...whom idealistic Rachel becomes more and more sympathetic toward the more she learns about why she's been abducted. Still conflicted over her love for her father, Rachel loyalties are tested once Kwan arrives on the scene.
After an encounter that leaves Luther in a coma and Darla on the verge of being executed, Rachel makes her choice, snatching up Luther's pistol and shooting Kwan in the chest. He staggers backwards and falls onto a kerosene lamp, knocking it over and igniting a nearby gas generator. Following a huge explosion, the cabin is ablaze and Darla and the girls drag Luther away from the flames just in time.
Meanwhile, Simon has been arrested, as his trophy wife, ANDREA, overheard the phone conversation about hiring Kwan and ratted him out to the police. Simon refuses to cooperate...
...until Rachel is brought in and the two have a face-to-face. Rachel convinces Simon to admit his wrong-doings in exchange for her forgiveness. He is true to his word and, at his trial, months later, admits that it was actually he who committed the hit-and-run eleven years ago and framed Luther for it.
Luther has remained in a coma all this time but finally shows signs of life after an emotional visit from Darla. Still unconscious, memories begin flooding into his mind, and we finally learn the truth about what happened the night Luther was arrested:
An intoxicated Luther, traveling along a lonely county road, hits something big, stops to investigate, and glimpses a large buck scurry into the brush. As he heads back to his car, he hears a faint cry for help and there, at the edge of his headlight beams, finds MILO JENKINS, whom Simon had accidentally plowed into and dumped there earlier. Milo pleads with Luther to call 911 but Luther, instead, crashes Milo's head into the pavement, killing him just as the state troopers arrive.
Why? His memories also reveal that Milo had been blackmailing Luther to guarantee his silence about a one-night stand Luther had with some woman he met at a bar...who turns out to be Simon's first wife, EMILY (Rachel's mother), who was determined to get even with Simon for his philandering and had picked Luther at random to seduce.
Given the earlier references to Molly and Rachel being similar enough to be sisters, one is left to conclude that Luther – not Simon – may very well be Rachel's biological father!
LUTHER GRIMES: Ex-con trying to go straight. Not evil at heart but his incarceration jaded him enough to want revenge, given how little he has seen his daughter. Had a one-night stand he regrets and never told...
DARLA EVANS, his long-time girlfriend who stuck by him during his prison stint. Darla spent four years on the MMA circuit and has a secret of her own: she was sweethearts at law school with the PA of Luther's trial and, in fact, seduced him before the trial so that he...
SIMON BECK, would go easy on Luther. Simon did not, securing a conviction by withholding evidence, all so he could get a conviction to pad his resume, as he has his sights set on a State Attorney General appointment. He, too, has a secret, its revelation resulting from a promise he made to his daughter...
RACHEL BECK, idealistic, athletic, striker on her soccer team, and proficient with a firearm, thanks to Simon's training. Displays great courage while kidnapped. Uncanny resemblance to:
MOLLY EVANS, Darla's daughter. Conniving like her mother. Developed skills in computer hacking and being a pickpocket but eventually bonds with Rachel and regrets her behavior.
HITOMI KWAN: Ruthless professional hitman. His proficiency with swords and knives earned him his moniker “the Blade”. Hired by Simon to rescue Rachel and leave no witnesses alive.
EMILY BECK: Simon's first wife and mother to Rachel. Simon's infidelity and lack of scruples drove Emily crazy and she was committed to the local asylum, but not before getting her revenge by sleeping with a random guy she seduced at a local bar....Luther!
Click to view the above synopsis / character breakdown as a PDF file 2 PAGE PITCH.
Click to view / download a PDF file of the ENTIRE SCRIPT
Registration Number: 1776355 (WGAw)
LOGLINE: The outlaw brother of a slain Texas ranger assembles a motley crew of gunmen with plans to enact revenge on the human smuggling ring responsible...until he discovers its leader is the very brother he thought dead.
GENRE / SETTING / SUMMARY: Redemption is a feature length western set in the late 1870s in south Texas and northern Mexico. It centers around Mason Campbell, a former Texas ranger, and Ezekiel Dixon, the outlaw brother of Campbell's thought-to-be slain partner. Campbell is grieving the murder of his wife and that partner but is recruited by Dixon to join his unsavory group in enacting revenge on those responsible. As they piece together clues as to the identity of the perpetrators, their journey leads them to a human smuggling ring operating out of a fortified compound in Mexico. What at first seems to be a cut-n-dried mission of revenge is complicated by the discovery that the compound's boss is none other than Dixon's thought-to-dead brother and that one of the women held in bondage there is Campbell's wife!
ACT ONE: Former Texas Ranger
MASON CAMPBELL takes to the bottle after the murders of his loving
wife, HANNAH, and his Ranger partner, SAMUEL DIXON. He is devastated,
almost to the point of being suicidal. While drowning his sorrows,
he is nearly gunned down in a saloon but is saved by the dead
partner's brazen outlaw brother, EZEKIEL DIXON, who brings news that
he has traced both deaths back to a human smuggling business
operating in the area.
E. Dixon convinces Campbell to
join him in taking revenge on the group, though Campbell is dubious
that his eroded skills will be of any use. Ezekiel has been curious
about exactly how his brother died so Campbell relives that fateful
day, via a flashback, revealing the two died in a fire, Sam trying to
save Hannah, as Mason lay helpless on the ground, the victim of a
gunshot wound to the head.
Act One comes to a close with Ezekiel calling in favors to assemble a motley crew of individuals, each uniquely skilled to assist in wreaking havoc on the villains.
ACT TWO revolves around the efforts of E. Dixon's group to track down those responsible for his brother's death. The smugglers are eventually caught and dealt with. The vile leader of the bunch is coerced at gunpoint to give up the drop point for the kidnapped women – a jailhouse in a nearby ghost town. It is there that Dixon and company ambush those coming to pick up the imprisoned ladies. All of the ruffians are dispatched, save for one, who willingly agrees to lead Dixon's band to the compound in Mexico where the women are sold into slavery.
Act Two is also where Campbell realizes he hasn't the stomach for killing and leaves the group for a while to return to his elbow-bending ways. A chance encounter with a lawman investigating a string of kidnappings in the area causes him to realize that his beloved Hannah may have been abducted rather than killed and, hence, could still be alive!
ACT THREE: A rejuvenated
Campbell rejoins Ezekiel and company after his epiphany. They make
their way to Mexico and the crafty group utilizes the wagon
confiscated from the aforementioned ruffians as a "trojan horse"
to infiltrate the compound.
Unfortunately, Campbell is captured, but makes two startling discoveries: Hannah is very much alive and her kidnapping was orchestrated by the smuggling operation's chieftain - his former partner, Sam - who faked his death and was using his Ranger position as a cover for his nefarious activities!
The rest of E. Dixon's crew storm the compound and free the enslaved women, some of whom then join forces with Ezekiel to turn the tide in their favor in battling the facility's soldiers.
With things looking grim for
the compound forces, Sam and his henchman flee with Hannah in their
coach, as Mason and Ezekiel give chase via horseback. In the final
confrontation, Ezekiel is forced to put down his brother in the one
gunfight he never wanted to have. Mason overcomes his aversion to
killing and blows away Sam's henchman, thereby rescuing Hannah and
completing his journey from has-been to hero.
MASON CAMPBELL: Caucasian, late 20s. Former Texas Ranger who is grieving the murders of his wife and former partner. Begrudgingly joins Dixon's group to enact revenge on those responsible but discovers he hasn't the stomach for it.
20s. Mason's wife, thought to be dead, but is, in fact, being held at
the compound as a mistress to the compound's boss.
EZEKIEL DIXON: African-American, mid 30s. Outlaw brother of Mason's slain partner. Organizes a posse of sorts to search for his brother's killers. Doles out his own style of justice, when the law doesn't, to those deserving of it.
SAMUEL DIXON: African-American, 30ish. Brother to Ezekiel and Mason's former partner. Also thought to be dead but is actually the leader of the smuggling operation. Faked his own death and was responsible for Hannah's kidnapping.
MING TAO CHEN: Oriental, mid 30s. Former prostitute, rescued by E. Dixon. Owes her life to him and agrees to join his group. Since getting freed, she has become a martial arts expert. Nunchucks is her weapon of choice.
GREY FOX: Native-Latin American mute, mid 30s. Joins E. Dixon's group. Kills with a blowgun and darts dipped in poison. An expert in herbal medicine and tracking.
JEDIDIAH LEWIS: Caucasian, 40ish. Big and burly, an excellent blacksmith, marksman, and fighter. Also owes Dixon a favor and joins his group.
HELEN MACTAVISH: Caucasian, 40ish. The Irish "Annie Oakley of Zapata County". Nobody better with a rifle. Joins the group to impress Jed, whom she is sweet on.
GONZALO RAMOS, 50ish: runs the Mexican compound for S. Dixon and has taken Hannah as one of his mistresses.
30s: S. Dixon's right-hand man. Oversees the operation of a string of
brothels from Tuscon to El Paso. His men often
the ladies fresh off the boat from China, including, three years ago,
one Ming Tao Chen.
Click for a Redemption SCRIPT EXCERPT.
Click for a Redemption TWO PAGE PITCH, which includes a logline, summary, synopsis, and character breakdown.
Click to download a PDF version of the ENTIRE SCRIPT.